So... the year ends.
Well, it's New year's eve and i'm sitting at home, writing here and blocking any sound by having loud music playing on my mp3 player.
I'm not sure wheter it's been a good or bad year but i suppose i learnt alot. I got over that self harm(i hate using that term) thing, hopefully. though... i really want to do it but now i'm resisting. I think i also learnt my most important lesson in High School. hide your feelings. It might sound weird, we're always being told to be open and to to bottle things up. But afterall, who wants to be with a sad person? If i truly showed how i was feeling all the time noone would want to hang out with me! Just put on a smily face and act like everything's perfectly fine.
Ok, good things. the friendship thing has definetly sorted itself out. I'm not really close to Emily anymore. well not close at all. But me and grace seem to have got alot closer. It kinda started when Emily got back form Nepal, i knew i didnt need her anymroe and by struggling to stay friends i was just making things worse. Once i'd totally let go of her( she went over and followed holly and Nic around and after a while they settled into a kind of threesome) there was less pressure as such on mine and grace's friendship. She's been really great and although i couldnt tell her everytihng(like stuff i say on here) i feel like i can be a bit mroe open.
We went to see wicked on Dec 20th and it was amazing!!! omg, i loved it sooo much and i'm desperate to see it again. i've been annoying the whole family by telling the the (rather complex) story over and over again :P. Unfortunatley my body decided to ruin the morning/afternoon shopping. My period started and i had such bad cramps i could hardly walk and i felt like i was gonna faint. We went and sat on the floor in macdonalds for ages waiting for it to pass or the paracetamol to kick in(there were no chairs left) haha! i reall should go to the doctor's about it as it happens every month but i dont know how to book an appointment and i dont wanna bring it up with my mum. She's way to busy/stressed with work at the moment.
It's almost 9 now. 3 hours to go... most of my friends will be partying right now. I'm not there cos 1. i wasnt originally invited adn though most of my friends asked if they could go, i dont have the nerve and was convinced that he'd say No as he is already way over the limit.
2. I dont really enjoy the parties much so i wouldn't have that much fun anyway(yes...it's true. i'm trying to convince myself too.
3. My brother will be there and how can i have any fun with him standing over my shoulder?
I must say Grace did annoy me ever so slightly yesterday. She asked Andy if she could go and he'd said Yes. She didnt shut up about it at all while we were in town and was all like 'hmmmm....i dont knwo which party to go to. Andy's or my brother's friends one(wtf?) Oh No! i'm so popular' ok she didnt say she was 'so popular' but that was whta she was trying to make it sound like. But i suppose it's just human nature/teenage nature. After all, i would probably be doing the same so i wont hold it against her.
OH, before i forget. Christmas was good this year. Got a Zen Vision:M mp4 player. It's amazing andi'm totally in love with it. I was kinda spoilt this year:P got some new clothes, mahjongg set( it's a good game : D ), weather DVD's new dressign gown. and whsmith/waterstone's vouchers some of which went towards Wicked (the book which inspired the broadway show)Has a good time overall. Spent the morning playing on my cousin's Wii. Of course, at the end i got the usual sadness cos it's all over and what not.
I'm back at school on Wednesday and i'm lookign forward to it. It's a bit boring staying at home and i want to have something to do. On thursday i have to go to an awards evening. I've won something but dont know what yet. Not really looking forward to it. I went last year aswell. All you do is sit there for ages, then have to go up and collect your award, which is amzingly embarrassing as i'm very shy and dont enjoy going up on stage in front of shit loads of people!
Anyway, Happy new year to all!
I'm not sure wheter it's been a good or bad year but i suppose i learnt alot. I got over that self harm(i hate using that term) thing, hopefully. though... i really want to do it but now i'm resisting. I think i also learnt my most important lesson in High School. hide your feelings. It might sound weird, we're always being told to be open and to to bottle things up. But afterall, who wants to be with a sad person? If i truly showed how i was feeling all the time noone would want to hang out with me! Just put on a smily face and act like everything's perfectly fine.
Ok, good things. the friendship thing has definetly sorted itself out. I'm not really close to Emily anymore. well not close at all. But me and grace seem to have got alot closer. It kinda started when Emily got back form Nepal, i knew i didnt need her anymroe and by struggling to stay friends i was just making things worse. Once i'd totally let go of her( she went over and followed holly and Nic around and after a while they settled into a kind of threesome) there was less pressure as such on mine and grace's friendship. She's been really great and although i couldnt tell her everytihng(like stuff i say on here) i feel like i can be a bit mroe open.
We went to see wicked on Dec 20th and it was amazing!!! omg, i loved it sooo much and i'm desperate to see it again. i've been annoying the whole family by telling the the (rather complex) story over and over again :P. Unfortunatley my body decided to ruin the morning/afternoon shopping. My period started and i had such bad cramps i could hardly walk and i felt like i was gonna faint. We went and sat on the floor in macdonalds for ages waiting for it to pass or the paracetamol to kick in(there were no chairs left) haha! i reall should go to the doctor's about it as it happens every month but i dont know how to book an appointment and i dont wanna bring it up with my mum. She's way to busy/stressed with work at the moment.
It's almost 9 now. 3 hours to go... most of my friends will be partying right now. I'm not there cos 1. i wasnt originally invited adn though most of my friends asked if they could go, i dont have the nerve and was convinced that he'd say No as he is already way over the limit.
2. I dont really enjoy the parties much so i wouldn't have that much fun anyway(yes...it's true. i'm trying to convince myself too.
3. My brother will be there and how can i have any fun with him standing over my shoulder?
I must say Grace did annoy me ever so slightly yesterday. She asked Andy if she could go and he'd said Yes. She didnt shut up about it at all while we were in town and was all like 'hmmmm....i dont knwo which party to go to. Andy's or my brother's friends one(wtf?) Oh No! i'm so popular' ok she didnt say she was 'so popular' but that was whta she was trying to make it sound like. But i suppose it's just human nature/teenage nature. After all, i would probably be doing the same so i wont hold it against her.
OH, before i forget. Christmas was good this year. Got a Zen Vision:M mp4 player. It's amazing andi'm totally in love with it. I was kinda spoilt this year:P got some new clothes, mahjongg set( it's a good game : D ), weather DVD's new dressign gown. and whsmith/waterstone's vouchers some of which went towards Wicked (the book which inspired the broadway show)Has a good time overall. Spent the morning playing on my cousin's Wii. Of course, at the end i got the usual sadness cos it's all over and what not.
I'm back at school on Wednesday and i'm lookign forward to it. It's a bit boring staying at home and i want to have something to do. On thursday i have to go to an awards evening. I've won something but dont know what yet. Not really looking forward to it. I went last year aswell. All you do is sit there for ages, then have to go up and collect your award, which is amzingly embarrassing as i'm very shy and dont enjoy going up on stage in front of shit loads of people!
Anyway, Happy new year to all!
posted by iamme at 8:36 PM
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